Why I’m Loosing Every Strength on the Spiritual Path

In this world we're trained always to be smart and strong. Everything else would be a sign of weakness. And so we come to Kabbalah, and in the first years of our experience, we're trying to bring in the patterns and behaviors we've learned in this world into Kabbalah. That is why we see so many people, who think, that they would have already understood the wisdom through giving workshops, but where you feel yourself more like on a seminar of your local bank. Spirituality won't work so, and often after several years of disappointment, those people claiming to be already experts leave this path behind, because it won't work out this way.

When we come to Kabbalah we must be ready to go through a spiritual desert. In this desert I feel only here and there awakenings of divine bliss. But most of the spiritual pathway is effort and hard work on oneself. When we're still in our own slavery of Egypt, as we call it in Kabbalah, we're always smart and diligent in our own eyes. We begin to start projects, thinking, that the whole world will have to follow us, but as said, spirituality doesn't work this way.

Rather I'll lose all my own diligence, strength, and smartness on the path. My body/mind is going through major changes. First I have been always in my program. I think, when I'm doing this, I'll earn that, but spirituality, as said, won't work this way. I'm now taking the yoke of the Creator upon me. This means I begin to submit myself to the upper system, and my body/mind is becoming more and more a device of the Divine. It feels like the Creator would operate myself. This may feel painful, but if the end result is, that I'll become healthy, I'll accept it gratefully.

The purpose of life is to have everything: Physically and spiritually, but first we must be ready to through the desert of duality, before being able to become one. We can only accelerate our own correction through the dissemination of the wisdom. One who disseminates, will earn merits from above, which means new Mochins (lights) from the upper worlds, which will bring us to correction to serve as a pure channel for the upper system. But the path to arrive there is hard, because it demands from me to leave all my own calculations about my own advantages behind me, and to walk the path instead constantly with faith above reason.